The Neurodivergent Loop: Healing, Masking, and the Missing Feedback That Feels Like Rejection

There’s something no one tells you about working on yourself therapeutically: healing doesn’t stop your workplace from feeling broken in new ways.

I have spent years in therapy untangling my worth from the "amazing potential" my teachers, throughout my education, bestowed.

I’ve sat across from brilliant clinicians who lovingly reminded me that I am not the sum of my achievements, that validation is a beautiful bonus—not a baseline requirement. I’ve journaled, or attempted to journal at least. I’ve cried. I’ve rolled my eyes at affirmations on post-its stuck to my bathroom mirror. I finally made it through a mental tug of war to a place of gratitude. In the end, I feel like I've hosted some kind of emotionally intelligent pep rally to gain progress.

And then I logged onto Zoom to facilitate my 9 a.m. project status update with the entire team, and everything unraveled.

Because no one said “I really like the way your broke down those concepts.”
Because no one replied to the message I proofread eighteen times with a comment on the clarity it took to fit something meaningful into one small space.
Because masking confidence doesn’t mean I feel confident.

And suddenly, I spiraled—not because I needed praise to survive, but because work silence feels like danger to a brain wired to search for feedback and safety cues in other people’s responses. My years of therapy have not equipped me to manage silence from the people who sign my paycheck. When you’ve spent a lifetime overcompensating, people-pleasing, and trying to prove that your neurodivergent brain belongs in a very neurotypical system, silence is dangerous.

So how do you ask for validation at work when you’re not supposed to need it anymore?

How do you balance healing from codependency with the very real desire to know you’re on the right track?

How do you do all of this without sounding like you’re fishing for compliments or crumbling under pressure?

Validation Is Not the Enemy

Let’s get one thing clear: Wanting validation does not make you needy, unprofessional, or weak. It makes you human.

And if you’re neurodivergent? It makes you someone whose brain craves feedback not just as encouragement, but as orientation. A way to know:
“Am I okay?”
“Am I understood?”
“Am I safe here?”

Validation isn’t a flaw. It’s an anchor in a world that often feels like it’s spinning faster than you can process.

#LivingWhileNeurodivergent